


New Phone Who Dis

by My_Dear_Watson



Category: Far Cry 5
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-07-14 13:56:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16041833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/My_Dear_Watson/pseuds/My_Dear_Watson
Summary: ... is what Deputy Nicolette Raylan should've replied when the cell towers get repaired and she got a string of texts from John himself. Instead, itching for a fight, she gives him the time of day and responds. It kicks off the county's first text war- something that two strangely amicable enemies in the midst of a very different war have no business being involved in.





	1. Call Me Never

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this stemmed from a couple of Anon's prompts from Tumblr, and then about nine pages into this I realized I was having too much fun and had to expand on it. The original prompts were "send nudes" and "oh damn... that's a good look."

It had been an extremely long day for  Deputy Nicolette Raylan. She had taken out two of the Valley’s outposts on the way to take back the PIN-KO tower, and then she had to convince Zip and that Barry Basketcase that no, the county needed those comm towers so we’d have communication to fight the aliens back once they invaded.

She needed a drink and a goddamn firing range. Too bad she only had one of those things around. She had just let some of the more technology-literate Resistance members work their magic to get the phone lines working.

Of course, somehow, someway text messages were the only thing that were working properly.

She had found out when she had been nursing her whiskey when her phone had vibrated violently in her pocket, and she had gone so long without hearing or feeling that she had jumped clean off the barstool.

She had eighty text messages waiting for her, and she had never felt so popular.

A handful of them had been from friends asking where she was. One had been from the Sheriff and the Deputies- the former sending one that he must’ve sent seconds before they had flown passed the statue, considering he had texted ‘I know the Marshal’s a stick in the mud but you can take one for the team and at least pretend to pay attention to him when you’re watching that cult shit.’  Another had been from Fucking Nancy, wishing her luck on the capture. _Bitch_ . About twenty had been from her ex-boyfriend ( _yikes_ ) asking where she had been and that he missed her _so much ( d_ _ouble yikes_ ).  Well, at least she could thank the cult for avoiding _that._

But now there was a brand new text from an unknown number, and from the phrasing alone, she just knew who it was.

 **406-555-0104 12:09pm** **  
** **Deputy! It’s about time you get the comm towers up and running. Shame that we have this entire valley rigged to prevent outside help.**

Sure, it could have been any Peggie, but she doubted the Seed’s goons who were actively trying to kill her wouldn’t waste time texting, Jacob would take the time it would take to text to put a bullet in her skull, and Joseph- well, he had that anti-technology schtick. He probably texted his siblings- if he even texted, but that was as far as it went. He came across as the ‘try to kill first, ask questions later type. Which left the most plausible option. She huffed and started up a response.

 **Me  12:10pm** **  
** **How did you get this number, John?**

 **406-555-0104  12:10pm  
** **You are as smart as I give you credit for. Nancy, of course.**

She grumbled. _Fucking Nancy._ She pulled her finger back to block the number but something stopped her. She knew blocking him would either piss him off or just encourage him to just track down another phone and try again. She just knew the bastard wrote down the number beforehand. Still, having his own information- if the phone he was using was even his- probably would be useful- she just didn’t know how yet. Tracking purposes, most likely.  
  
**Me 12:10pm  
** **Don’t you have something else to do? Baptisms? Senseless murdering? Finding a poodle and punting it off the balcony?**

Right, because quoting a movie to a raving psychopath was smart. Or talking to one in general. _Fuck._

 **406-555-0104 12:11pm** **  
** **Sounds more my brother’s speed, and I don’t know about poodles, but there was that feisty little cattle dog around somewhere…**

Nicolette flinched. She had walked straight into that one. She slammed the phone down onto the counter facefirst. And then the phone vibrated again. She made a point of ignoring it and waved Casey down for another drink.  And then the phone vibrated again. And again a few seconds later. She downed the drink once Casey had brought it over and stared at the wall. The phone vibrated twice. So it wasn’t the phone informing her that she had a text waiting. It was John being the primadonna little shit that he was.  She flipped the phone back over, took a deep breath and went back into her messages.

 **Dont Answer 12:13** **  
** **Don’t worry, your precious dog will be fine. It’s not like it has much longer to live anyway.**

Asshole. Even Sharky didn’t say it that directly.

 **12:15  
** **Come now, don’t get quiet just because I had an answer for you.**

 **12:17  
** **That’s not very polite.**

 **12:21  
** **Afraid of a little conversation? I haven’t even asked you to confess.**

_Yet._

**12:30  
** **I didn’t take you for a coward, Deputy.**

She hadn't responded for under ten minutes and he was getting pissy. So the bastard even texted like a primadonna. She almost could prefer her ex texting her. She huffed again and threw caution to the wind.

 **Me 12: 35** **  
** **Fuck off, John. I’m drinking.**

Not the best thing to admit, but not the worst either. It would get him off the topic of bugging her- possibly. Or maybe he’d just send her a wall of text about gluttony or whatever sin he could chalk that up to. What she got instead: **  
****  
****Don’t Answer    12:37:** **  
****Drinking to remember or forget?**

She squinted at the phone. That… had not been a possible option she had considered. What the fuck?

 **Me 12:38  
** **Wouldn’t you like to know?**

 **Don’t Answer 12:38** **  
** **Knowing is part of my job.**

 **Me 12:39  
** **I’m not fucking confessing.**

She shut her phone off after that for good measure. Go figure, she finally had it back and now she had to turn the damn thing off through no fault of her own. After a minute, she realized one potentially glaring problem she had when there was a primadonna little shit who was most likely a little too interested in her, and she turned the phone back on.

 **Me 12:40  
** **Send me dick pics and I’m ripping it off the next time we see each other.**

 **Don’t Answer 12:41  
****That's quite the reach from our topic of conversation**.  **Do you think so little of me?**

 **Me 12:41  
Everyone in the fucking county thinks you're into me and I wouldn't put it past you with that ego. Also yes. You** **kill people. It's not like thinking little of you is a stretch.**

 **Don’t Answer 12:41  
** **I save people.**

 **Me 12:41  
** **Tomato, Tomatoe. Point is I’m still waiting for a “Send nudes” or something.**

**Don’t Answer 12:41  
If you're inclined, I won't say no. **

**Me 12:42  
** **Ugh.**

 **Don’t Answer 12:42  
** **Lighten up, Deputy. It would help us both. But the implication that we’ll see each other in person again is promising ;)**

Well, she hadn’t been wrong about expecting the wink emoji, at least.

 **Me 12:43  
** **Fuck you.**

She shut the phone off, finished the drink, and went on her way.

Of course, she was already halfway down the block towards the house the Resistance had set her up in when she realized the fact that the Seeds- and John in particular could probably track her phone.  It was enough of a threat that she left the house and did three patrols around the entire town before she returned with no Peggie or Herald in sight.

A sleepless night followed just in case, though there were no interruptions. The next morning, she risked turning on the phone again. John’s final word in their matter had apparently been “that’s not very nice”- which was laughable. But on a lighter note, the Sheriff had checked in that they were okay and happy the phones were up, even if all he could do is ‘this damned texting thing’- with several typos along the way.

Keeping track of things across the county that day had been significantly easier, considering others radioed their phone numbers back and forth as a last resort. Worse yet, Whitehorse had attempted to call the National Guard- and not a single person had believed him. They had laughed him off with a simple ‘Cult? In Montana? Preaching about Nuclear War? With a documentary as proof? Ha!” and apparently that had been that.

So they were all alone. Again.

She had taken out her frustration by taking back Red’s Farm Supply.

She got a picture from John a few minutes later. She cringed on instinct. Well, she had basically dared him to send a dick pic when she was liquored up. “Here we go…” she trailed off and checked it.

He had taken a picture of Hudson strapped to that chair. She didn’t look any worse than the last time she had seen her in that bunker, but she could guess the point John was about to make.

 **Don’t Answer  2:11pm** **  
** **Just a reminder of the flame you’re playing with. Be careful not to get burned.**

She backed out of the message and called his number, but naturally it only rung about once before an automated message prompted her to head to voicemail. Prick. She inhaled sharpy. No. _Give the fucker what he wants so he can ease up._

 **Me 2:14pm** **  
** **You’re just begging me to kill you at this point.**

 **Don’t Answer 2:14pm  
** **I’ve already told you that I don’t want either of us to meet that fate. I don’t wish to kill you or your dear Hudson. I want you to see the light.**

Well, now she had an opening and she was going to take it. Hell, even if he took it out on Hudson, Hudson would deem it worth it.

 **Me 2:15pm  
** **You do, or your brother does? Can’t tell the difference.**

He didn’t respond to that, and she took it as another victory.

She was starting to get concerned when he didn’t have a comeback later on that day, either.

Of course, it turned out she was sorely mistaken when she got a phone call around 5:00am the next morning. She had picked up on instinct, her deputy brain taking over and answering before checking who it was. “Raylan.”

“ _Deputy! Check your messages. There’s something you’d ought to see._ ”

She snarled at John’s voice on instinct again, but he had hung up before she could tell him where he could shove her messages.

It didn’t stop her from checking the thread.

The bastard had taken back Red’s bright and early, judging by the fact that he had taken a picture of himself with destroyed Resistance equipment, Peggie trucks scattered around and two of her people being loaded into a prisoner van in the background.

She threw her phone down, hauled herself out of bed, yanked on a fresh set of clothes, grabbed the keys to her Kimberlite ZT  and marched out the door.

If he wanted to play this game, she would play.

She picked her phone back up and jammed in a number. “Hey, Grace. Go get Sharky and meet me by John’s ranch outside by the sign- the 'we'll take you, we love you' one. Be there in twenty.” She hung up before the woman could protest.

When Sharky and Grace had been let in on the plan, Sharky had been delighted. Grace, less so.

“So you think setting this sign on fire and then taking his house… is going to work out well? What about Hudson?”

“He’ll be too busy panicking about the house to care about her. And if not… well, he’s been a man of his word so far," Nicolette pointed out. 

"He's got a hard-on for Nic, she'll get away with anything!" Sharky agreed from a few feet behind them. 

“And you’re trusting him to be a man of his word?” Grace asked.

“That’s the only thing I can trust him for, I think,” she answered. “But everything’s bitten me in the ass so far, so…” she shrugged, then stopped short when she smelled something burning. She turned sharply.

Sharky was already at work setting the damned “we love you, we will take you” sign on fire. “Shark!” she scolded, but not before immediately snapping a few photos- one of which was her beaming away in front of it to get back at him for Red’s.

She tucked her phone away, then nodded up the hill. “Alright. Now the fun begins.”

* * *

 

John was furious.

The Deputy had made a laughing stock of him time and time again, and the last week was no different. She had taken three of his outposts in a week, and now the telephone tag he had intended to remain in his court had backfired spectacularly.

And then she had insinuated that there was no difference between him and Joseph. The implication that he was simply a follower _was scathing._

After _all he had done for her._

He had been assisting in putting Red’s back in order when his phone alerted him to a new message.

 **Little Miss Wrath 3:00pm  
** **John**

 **3:05  
** **John**

 **3:11  
** **You accuse me of being impolite then leave a girl waiting.**

 **3:15  
** **I’ve got something to show you, too.**

Well. If that didn’t set his... baser imagination going, he didn’t know what did. He doubted it was what he expected.

 **Me 3:15  
** **Oh?**

She sent a picture message a moment later and he opened it.

She, that redneck heathen Charlemagne and Grace Armstrong were in front of one of his signs that they had apparently set on fire.

 **Me 3:16  
** **I can just make more. I thought you were smart enough to know that, considering it’s common sense.**

 **Little Miss Wrath 3:16  
** **You sure about that?**

John scoffed, but his gut told him to check the photo again. A moment later he was glad he did.

It wasn’t just _any_ sign. He knew that field in the background. That was _his_ airfield.

They weren’t going for the sign. They were going for his  _Ranch._

He immediately hit the call button, heart beating out of his chest. It had been fun before. Now it was personal. The second he heard the other line open, he launched into a tirade, “Let me make one thing abundantly clear, Deputy. You-“

She hung up on him, but not before he cold hear gunfire in the background. The fight was still going on. He could still make it and shut that particular rebellion down. He bolted for the pickup he had used, turned the engine in and floored the gas pedal.

On the way there he had nearly gotten into ten car accidents by the time he had reached the driveway.

And it had almost come to an abrupt end due to a proximity explosive he had noticed seconds before he would’ve driven over it.

He had gotten out to survey the area only to find the entryways lined with explosives. There was no way he was going to make it in any time soon.

The sound of exchanging gunfire in the near vicinity did nothing to ease his wrath.

He heard car engines coming and looked towards them, only to find that they weren’t any of his. They were Resistance- every single one of them. And he was going to be vastly outnumbered in seconds.

He slammed his fist down onto the dash to reel in whatever wrath was bleeding through, gunned the engine and retreated.

He made it to his bunker. Within minutes one of his men had come in, absolutely terrified, to inform him that The Deputy had succeeded in taking his Ranch. And she had left two survivors to bring the Project that message.

His Lady Wrath, taking back some of her sin.

Wasn’t that _something._

She was intriguing as she was infuriating. She picked up his phone, dialed his number and waited.

“ _Howdy, John_!”

“So, you’ve taken my home in the name of your little Resistance. Ah, if those walls could talk. Well, more accurately, scream.”

“First off, I did it in Hudson’s name, you little shit. Second, really? You’re pulling a pickup line on me now? And a horrifying one at that?"

“It wasn’t a line, it was a threat-”

_“Is there even a difference with you?!”_

He almost laughed at that. _Almost_. “Point is, Deputy. I will get it back, sooner or later. And when I do maybe I’ll hang your skin as a trophy above the mantle.”

_“Kinky.”_

John nearly choked on his tongue, not at all expecting the response. He had expected a ‘fuck you’ as per usual. Nothing equally biting- and mocking. But she hung up before he could get another word in edgewise.

Still, Lady Wrath had bested him a third time now. And damn it if there wasn’t something attractive about that, even if she had put a giant wrench in his fucking operation. Hell, she _was_ the wrench.

A few seconds later he got another picture message. She had found the weed he had left on the coffee table of the great room.

 **Little Miss Wrath 5:00pm  
** **Does your brother know about this, you hypocrite? Wonder what would happen if I told him.**

 **Me 5:00** **  
** **You won’t.**

 **Little Miss Wrath 5:01** **  
** **Leave Hudson alone and I won’t.**

John scoffed again. She had to know that was an empty bargain. He’d humor her just for show.  
  
**Me 5:01** ****  
**Deal.**  
****  
**Little Miss Wrath 5:01** **  
** **Cool. Ooooh, look like you’ve got a new voicemail John, might that be Peggie business?**

His heart skipped a beat and he immediately switched to calling her. _No. No, she couldn’t go through that. She couldn’t find the one Joseph left._ It would be the end of him. He had half a mind to go drive back to the damn place, but he was two thirds of the valley away. She would find it by the time he so much as found a new car to use.

He launched his phone across the room, enraged that the damn thing didn’t shatter. Great, Wrath was about to find his biggest weakness and she was undoubtedly going to use it against him. He waited for the inevitable, a call or a text mocking him. Nothing came. When his phone lit up a few minutes later, it had been a message from Jacob mentioning that Joseph had wanted to see him.

_Fuck._

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

Nicolette was conflicted. She was very much not a sympathy for the devil type, but Joseph’s voicemail had been… unsettling. She had doubts on whether or not he loved his family if _their deaths were the sign of the Apocalypse that he was shepard of,_ but she had felt the desperation in that message. No wonder he hadn’t responded. It had quieted her for the rest of the day and into the next. Granted, not dealing with his nonsense from the last couple of days was nice.

Until she realized she missed the back and forth a bit. Her life had been mayhem, sadness and panic for a while. Their little back and forth had been fun. But fuck, he was the enemy, she couldn’t risk thinking like that. She needed to throw herself back into business.

Now all that was left was to make his Ranch the Resistance’s.

She knew John wouldn’t stay silent for long so she took all the pictures she could of their progress- burning family photos, copies of the Book of Joseph, varying files on plans of expansion,anything that would get a rise out of him to make things go back to normal because she had Fucked Up.

_But first, coffee._

Addie had shown up to check the place out and raid it for supplies and the like, and once she had taken her share (after promising Nicolette that no, she was not actively searching for anything particularly R-rated- or his underwear, for that matter- ‘girl, I wanna fuck him but there’s a line that I ain’t crossing’), she had suggested finding anything the man might have that resembled coffee.

Luckily enough, John proved to be human after all and had some fancy coffee press in the gigantic kitchen. After spending half an hour trying to figure out how to work the damned thing, they succeeded, got a cup of coffee each and sat on the balcony.

Addie looked at Nicolette after a while of enjoying the quiet. “So, what’s the next plan? Taking out that eyesore?” she nodded towards the yes sign.

“Naw. You know, I kinda like it. It is the county’s personal yes sign… though twice as pretentious and self serving… and horrible meaning attached.”

Addie snorted. “Honey, John’s rubbing off on you. And not in the fun way.”

She gagged again. After a moment, she fished her phone out of her pocket, zoomed in on the yes sign and took a picture, ready to send it to John, ask if he was compensating for something and officially get things back to normal.

It wasn’t until she was halfway through typing it out that she realized that was asking for all sorts of trouble- least of which was the lowest key busybody when it came to her sex life was sitting next to her.

Of course, it was too late. She had frozen long enough to give Addie her opening. The older woman reached over and snatched the phone away. “Ooooh, I know that look on a girl’s face. Who’s got your fancy?” she scrolled up, and her jaw dropped.

Nicolette squirmed. “Addie, I can explain.”

Addie merely reached over and smacked her on the arm. “You’ve been holding out on me.”

The younger woman choked on her words for a while. “It’s not like-”

“Oh, shut it girl, I trust you. I know you ain’t doing anything _loyalty-changing_ stupid. Now, _dick-hunting_ stupid, well, you’re practically me, so that’s a yes. Hold on, you told him not to send you a dick pic? Honey, you need to do us all a favor and get it.”

Nicolette wasn’t sure where to start with that entire response. She merely sighed. “ _Addie_!”

Addie beamed at her, then turned back to the phone. To her credit, she did groan with disgust when she reached the picture of Hudson. “Jackass.”

“Yeah…”

“You still need to fuck him for all our sakes.”

“ _Addie_ ,” Nicolette groaned again.

“Hey, I’m all for the chase, but that man’s definitely got a point where he’s gonna be done chasing and cut corners to get to the finish line.”

“Right, because that doesn’t come with horrifying implications.”

Addie waved at her dismissively.

Nicolette sighed heavily and looked down at the driveway, and then at her Kimberlite ZT- unfortunately the same model as his, just bright yellow instead of that red.

And then it hit her.

That was her in to get him back without him going off the rails. “Oh. OH!” she beamed. “SHARKY!”

The man came bursting out of the house from one of the doors behind him. “What’ve we got?! Peggies?! Where they at?!”

Nicolette leaned over the railing. “No Peggies. Just a stupid idea. Wanna help?”

“Your stupid is my favorite stupid. Hell yes.”

* * *

 

Ten minutes later, Sharky frowned as the pair of them pushed John’s car further down the driveway. “Remind me why I can’t just set this thing on fire and call it a day? I thought that was the stupid you were getting at. And then I find out that you’re texting the little fucker. What’s up with that?”

“Don’t know. Probably a mistake. Still kind of hilarious,” she replied. “And because it’s a good looking car. And we need money for shit, and I bet anyone left would still pay good money to set the shit on fire.”

“And you won’t let your best friend do it for free?” Sharky replied.

“Hey, do you want that new tank for your flamethrower or not?” she countered.

He paused, then nodded. “Touché.”

She patted him on the chest, snapped a picture of her car and sent it.

 **Me 10:11am** **  
** **Hey. Like your car’s new paintjob?  Figured yellow was more my color, now that this is effectively mine. Hope you don’t mind the Bumblebee approach.**

She waited for a while, then beamed when she got a new message.

 **Smirkin Fuckface** **10:15  
** **An atrocity.**

 **Me 10:15** **  
** **Really? That’s all I get?**

 **Smirkin Fuckface 10:16  
** **I’m busy.**

 **Me** **  
** **I thought we had a deal about Hudson.**

 **Smirkin Fuckface  
** **We do. I do have an entire Valley to run, however. You should know that, considering you keep ruining everything.**

 **Me  
** **Thanks, I try.**

 **Smirkin Fuckface** **  
** **Heathen.**

 **Me** **  
** **Better than “sinner”**

She turned to take a picture of his car and sent it.

 **Me 10:17  
** **Calm down. Your car is fine. You and I have got an appreciation for classics in common, weirdly enough.**

 **Smirkin Fuckface 10:18  
** **Why do you insist on trying to start something with me? You know I’ll finish it.**

 **Me  
** **Do you really wanna fuck with the person that has your plane, too?**

She was delighted when he called her a matter of seconds later. She rejected the call.

 **Me** **  
** **Again, leave Hudson alone, it’ll be fine. If not, well, Sharky’s been itching to set something on fire lately.**

He was silent for a while again, which let her figure he was fuming. But he was talking. Things were back to normal. Thank fuck for that.

* * *

 

Things had gone back to normal _quickly_ for John.

His brother had just wanted an update on everything, so the fact that Lady Wrath had stumbled upon a potential weakness had almost gone forgotten. Yes, Joseph, I still have a hold in the county. No, Joseph, the Deputy’s only taken out three of the silos, we’re still on track. No, Joseph, I’m not letting my wrath get the better of me in pursuing her.

Naturally, halfway through getting talked at his phone had buzzed, and he looked at it out of instinct from being strictly business lately.

When it was Nicolette’s threats against Affirmation, he had managed to keep a straight face and respond like he would’ve if it was strictly business. But at one point he had covered up a smirk half a second too late, because Joseph had done the typical older family member thing and asked what had his undivided attention that most certainly wasn’t him.  It had gone downhill from there. Joseph had accused him of lightening up on the Deputy and that he needed to get things going because ‘time was running short.’ John had insisted he hadn’t let up, Joseph had given him _that look_ , and it had been enough for John to say that he would see what he could do, then promptly marched out of Joseph’s office.

Things had been quiet again into the next day. He had gone with Joseph to oversee pushing the line back and retaking the orchard in the valley. He had been in no mood, considering he knew Joseph was doing it to test him.

Those plans. however, came to a screeching halt when he had heard a familiar plane engine and looked north- to see _Affirmation doing a strafing run at the Word of Joseph statue._

Better yet, she had started with _Joseph’s head._

He and his brother watched the stone bust crash to the ground. It took John all he had in him not to smile.

His Lady Wrath had done something to knock Joseph down a few pegs in _his plane._

It was the greatest power move he had seen so far in this damned war- and frankly the hottest, too. He just couldn’t dwell on that for too long.  

It took him a solid few seconds of staring at his brother’s likeness’ split skull to realize he was _supposed to be furious for Joseph._ So he sent a handful of his men out towards the statue, knowing full well they either weren’t coming back- or Lady Wrath wouldn’t stay in the area long enough for them to make a difference.

He had looked away just in time to see Joseph looking back with _that look again_. “I’ll take care of it.” He fixed his jacket and went to get into his truck.

“Be patient with her. She needs to come to us.”

John stopped in his tracks. “So do you want me to take it easy or not?”

“I’m saying we need her with us. If you can’t handle it-”

“I can handle it,” John snapped before he got into the truck and slammed the door before Joseph could come up with anything more to argue. He turned on the radio for good measure, turned the volume up and gunned the engine.

He watched Affirmation fall below the hill and waited a few extra minutes before he left to go get the Deputy for daring to destroy his brother’s likeness- which, in reality was enjoying the sight of the wreckage. He tried not to grin too hard when there was the sound of Affirmation’s engines starting. and suddenly the plane was zooming over his head, fresh off a hill a couple of hundred feet away. He watched it disappear til it was out of sight, waited a few minutes to “help” clear some of the wreckage, then ducked out to call Nicolette’s number. “Deputy! _Bravo_!” he called when she picked up.

 _“Like that, didja? Joseph must not be thrilled about you rooting for the bad guys._ ”

Oh, the _pride_ she wore like armor. It was becoming and unbecoming all at once. But she had a damned fire in her that he didn’t dare snuff out- not yet. He knew he was nearing that flame too much, but he would gladly burn for more time with a woman that matched him in so many ways. How far things had come from their time in the river when he would’ve ended her life because Joseph had found her so captivating, so… necessary in the narrative. And now here he was, enjoying her.   “What my brother doesn’t know won’t hurt him. His ego needed to be checked, after all.”

“ _His isn’t the only one._ ”

“She says, probably just arriving back at my home that she captured.”

“ _Exactly_.”

He smirked. “Consider it checked. But I have it spades. I’m willing enough to admit that. But I’ve atoned for it as well. Usually I’d mark you for that lip, but you’ve won yourself a victory and a day free from my interference for the stunt you just pulled. Enjoy it while you can.” It was his turn to hang up quickly, so he tossed his phone away, pulled over, ducked low in his seat and waited a few minutes. If he wasn’t found, he could make the “it was too late” story seem a little more legitimate.

He drove back to the orchard, told Joseph of her escape, the man gave him _that look_ again. Something clearly went unsaid, but John chose to ignore it and head back towards his bunker.

He had thrown himself back into work for most of that afternoon. He was surprised at himself- even part disappointed in himself, a darker part of him insisted- that the silence from the Deputy on his phone that followed in those following hours made him miss the banter.

It had been a couple of days going back and forth with his fucking enemy, and he missed it. He was like some lovesick teenager. And it was pathetic. But she was Wrath, and two souls with such sin in common were bound to levitate towards each other.

Still, the debate going on in his head didn’t stop him from taking up his phone quickly a moment after it vibrated and “Lady Wrath” came up onscreen. Something stilled his hand for a moment and he started up a list of ways he could get revenge if she so much as did anything other than fly Affirmation.

Instead, he wished he hadn’t picked up at all.

There were two new photos, though clearly not sent by his Lady Wrath herself.

In the first, she was wearing his old Adderon T-shirt, an old one but a favorite- they had probably raided his clothes and passed them out accordingly, but why she was wearing it- let alone like that was a mystery. She had tied it up just under her ribs, and then she had those infuriatingly tiny shorts of hers that were a staple of her latest wardrobe. Still, the ensemble left absolutely nothing to the imagination. And then when his own lust decided to take a backseat to his brain, he took in the rest of the photo and got his answer about the shirt question- she was tinkering away at something under the hood and was probably looking to make sure the damned thing got in the way. She had probably found it in the pile that the Resistance probably marked ‘take or burn’, figured it looked comfortable and used it for the task at hand. However, the rest of the details bled into his mind and lust took over once again, considering the photographer had less than honorable intentions for the photo, considering Wrath was bent at the waist, back was arched just the right way.

Still, his Deputy in his shirt, working on his car, at his home… well, that was enough to drive a lesser man mad with pride and greed and lust all at once. _Oh. That… that is… a good look._

He almost didn’t want to check the next one, but again, his less… controlled side won over.

Same concept, but she was working on Affirmation, arms up above her head as she did something to the wing that was out of sight because the evil, evil photographer had focused on her body again.

He was going to need to take his knife out and re-carve the ‘Lust’ mark emblazoned on his hip at this rate. That was by far the leading sin in his reaction.

She hardly seemed aware of the photos, but still, maybe he had to redefine her primary sin on principle after that. He licked his bottom lip absentmindedly.

So she wanted to play dirty. He could play dirty right back.

* * *

 

**_“He’s the world’s biggest asshole, A-S-S, H-O, L-E, Everybody! A-S-S, H-O, L-E- ”_ **

Nicolette never would’ve expected Denis Leary’s voice to be a godsend, but when she finally heard John’s new ringtone and text alert after her phone had been missing for the better part of an hour (because she would lose it after the first couple of days of getting it back during a holy war), it was a relief.  Even if John did technically help in finding it. She collapsed into the nearest adirondack chair and went to thumb through what she had missed.

Of course, that shred of gratefulness went straight out the window once she unlocked it and checked the message waiting for her. She let out an indignant squawk and threw her phone down. “That’s his dick!” she said, also immediately mortified that her legs had crossed on sight.

“You mean it worked?!” Addie called from halfway across the yard and immediately made her way over. “Oh this I gotta see!”

Nicolette snatched her phone back. “What the Hell did you do?!”

“Who, little old me, the one who’s said that you two gettin’ busy would solve a lot of problems on multiple occasions?”

“Addie,” Nicolette warned, suddenly sick of how many times she had only spoken the woman’s name to her that day. She tilted the phone away from the older woman and went to scroll up on the thread- which naturally ended up bringing that particular picture up instead, prompting an absolutely delighted gasp from Addie.

“Honey, on behalf of everybody interested in dick everywhere, you need to _get on that._ ”

Nicolette grumbled at her, then slammed her finger back to the corner to close it out and tried desperately not to focus on the fact that if he thought he needed to compensate for **_that_** , she wanted to know what the Hell he was comparing it to.

God, that wasn’t _fair._ The only one with a vested interest in her in years packing that, and he was a raving psychopath that was tormenting a county. Oh, and had a weird sort of text war going with her that up until then she was enjoying, because that was her fucking life.

She scrolled up to see what had prompted that response and gaped. The thief formerly known as Adelaide Drubman had stolen her phone and taken a couple of photos that were some mix of a pinup poster and Megan Fox in Transformers bullshit. “ADDIE!” she repeated. She launched herself out of the chair, but Addie was already halfway across the yard again.

Who would’ve thought that woman could run that quick- in heels, no less.

Still, having a best friend as an enemy for the next few minutes was far better than an entire cult as her enemy for the foreseeable future. 


End file.
